What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 11:33
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Comes on , in middle age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
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This is soul school!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What pet would you strongly not recommend?
So whats the point in blame.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
When she asked me how she looked .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What thing happened to you as a child that you haven’t let go of to this day?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
What should every American know before traveling to the UK?
I think the readers, may guess!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So, i spoilt her more .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My blog is new. I need 10 article posts for my blog. How much should I pay for it?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it wasn’t much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Are rich people harder workers than poor people as a whole?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Did you swallow cum the first time you sucked a penis?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Were you ever in love with your teacher?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I have no regrets .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One cannot live in the past .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Ive learnt so much.
We all went to grammer schools
What did i know ?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was scared of men, in general
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She found it foreign!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I write beautiful poetry .
We were not on the streets..
He knew the spot.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My life is so biszare .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I said to her
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I never cut or harmed myself..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My family never makes their pension either.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But, we were locked up after school.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was very sick at this time too.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She married twice! .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Put me off passion for life!!
She wouldn,t have been !
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I don,t even have a pension.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
All the time i was locked up.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Who then, do I blame.?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was in good health!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im still living with it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She loved him until the end.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Would this be the day?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was 9 years of age.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I could never make a relationship work though!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i do to all so called friends.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i lived it daily.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was seconnd youngest,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.